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Ask the Expert
Carmen Alonso, MD
Q: Our toddler has been acting jealous and distant since we brought our newborn home from the hospital. What can we do?
A: You can be assured that no matter how prepared, and even happily excited, a toddler is about the arrival of "his or her" new baby, it won't be long before reality hits. Even very young children become aware of the fact that new babies almost always take center stage. It is completely expected that the older sibling, or siblings, will grow jealous and upset.
As a parent, it's natural that your new baby consumes your time -- newborns need almost constant attention. Although your time is at a premium, it's critical that you set aside special time for your toddler, and any other older siblings, every day. Make it clear to your older kids that they are loved now more than ever. Be sure to focus on how being an older sibling is very important.
Also, be patient. Most older siblings adjust after the first month or so, especially when the newborn begins to smile and play, and seems more approachable. Don't push your toddler to interact with the baby before he or she is ready. Allow the relationship to develop naturally on its own. It will.
Above all, the safety of your baby must be a top priority. Make sure that your toddler is supervised around the baby at all times. Even well intentioned toddlers may not realize (or forget) how fragile a newborn is.
Carmen Alonso, MD, is Director of Residency Training for the Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. In addition, Dr. Alonso is a board certified pediatrician and is certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, Inc. in child psychiatry.
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