The Work-At-Home Parent

By Christine McLaughlin

Moms who work at home know that the term "working at home with kids" is redundant.  There's your full-time job as mom -- at home.  And then there's the other job where you earn a paycheck -- also done at home.  You probably get the feeling you are working all the time.  Friends wonder how you do it.  You wonder that same thing yourself sometimes! 

So how does an already busy mom pull off the dual responsibilities? Not easily. However, that's not to say it's not possible, or not rewarding.

You may be surprised to know that probably the easiest time to work from home is when you have your first newborn. Sure, you're absolutely exhausted, but chances are your baby spends a lot of time sleeping -- even if not in heavenly eight-hour chunks each night. (Don't worry, that will come.) Try to get yourself on some semblance of a schedule. Sit down at the computer for a few hours after your child's first morning feeding. Try and fit in another couple of hours in the afternoon, if you can. And ask your husband to take charge so you can have an uninterrupted hour or two in the evening.

Once your child starts crawling and then walking, getting any work done will suddenly feel impossible. Toddlers demand a lot of attention. And while they do nap, their nap times are often unpredictable which makes it tough to set up (and stick to) conference calls and meetings.

"Moms who have toddlers and work from home shouldn't attempt to go it alone," says Mary Byers, a work from home mom and author of The Mother Load: How to Meet Your Own Needs While Caring for Your Family (Harvest House Publishers). "One way to get through this stage is to find someone to watch your children a couple mornings each week. This can guarantee work time," says Byers.

If you can't find a part-time sitter in your area, consider hiring a young teen to be a "mommy's helper" a few afternoons a week. This way you can be in the house in case of an emergency, but let the teen take charge. Other mothers have found success in taking their young children to programs such as "Mother's Morning Out" one or more days a week to gain some work time. You can also arrange for weekly classes and activities that take your young kids out of the house for a few hours for fresh air and new adventures.

Preschoolers and school-aged kids are obviously easier to work around because while they're at school, you can work. "As much as you might want to use this time for the gym or shopping or meet a friend, it's smart to hold 'office hours' when kids are in school," says Byers, who also teaches a program called "Working from Home: Preserve Your Profit and Save Your Sanity."

If you do have a sitter come to the home (or your husband watches the kids) while you work, set up some ground rules early, says work-from-home mom, Stacy DeBroff, author of The Mom Book, 4,278 Tips for Moms! (Simon & Schuster). Here are her favorites:

1. As soon as your children are old enough to understand, tell them that when the office door is open, you welcome interruptions but when it's closed you can't be disturbed (unless it's an emergency).
2. Teach your child what counts as an emergency interruption. For example, a fight with a sibling over a toy, or not being able to find a toy, doesn't count. Those situations can be resolved by Dad or the sitter.
3. Be prepared to drop everything when your child really does need your immediate attention. Keep a constant emotional barometer out there to assess those times when your child needs you most, is struggling, doesn't feel well, or is lonesome for your company.  One of the many benefits to working from home is that you can create a flexible schedule that allows you to be available to your child.
4. Don't always expect your spouse to be a "babysitter" while you're working. "I see too many women hand their kids to their husbands as soon as he comes through the door at night, so they can go to work. This isn't fair to the partner, the marriage or the family," Byers says. "Child care responsibilities should be carefully negotiated and regularly reviewed -- not being flexible in this regard can lead to both resentment and marital problems."

Finally, it seems obvious, but it's easy to do: Never let your work become more important than your family. "Work will always be there. Your young kids won't," says Byers.

Christine McLaughlin is a mother of two young boys and a freelance writer, editor and author of the newly released "The Dog Lover's Companion to Philadelphia."